i just wanna be there

I talked to my grandmom just now. And feels so calm inside when I hang up the phone..:)
Feels like we never talked for years. Feels like I'm so far away from her and my family. Feels like.....I'm dying inside..
Unbelievably, this hard life, this hard work and all of my time in Medicine had shed away almost all my point of view, my feelings and my heart towards life and its content.

I remembered when I was 16, when I was schooling in a boarding school in Pasir Puteh, I was thinking to myself in one rainy day that world is so beautiful that I would never ignore its beauty. The sound of rain, the green grass and the beautiful clouds over the mountain. And it's in Kelantan where I felt so much belongs to. Every morning I woke up and walk to school while admiring the beautiful sunrise and cold morning breeze..
Even in the most silent moment I had with myself alone, I could feel the presence of the calm wind, the shining sun and all the stars up there. I was calm. I was happy. I was contented.

And that day, that one beautiful sunset, I was just reached home from school and talked to my grandmom. I remembered I saw her eyes hazeled by the shining sunset. There was a pause, there was a silent moment in between but I dont feel empty. Instead, I feel safe.

I just hope I had more time like that.
I just want to be there and not missing a thing thats happening.

I just wanna be there.